let it be
by Naz
Summary: part 3 of the rufeg not-a-fluff-anymore? Kaistern is now living somewhere else, with amnesia. The remaining Officers will go out to survey the damage...& when they find him, they have to try & get him to remember. Ruwalk guilt. ehh. R&R, onegai; danke.
1. one

"Jazelle, who the hell is this?"

Jazelle flinched at her mother's accusing tone. "Um, well, I found him."

The tall albino blinked. "I'm sorry, ma'am," he said, extending his hand. Jazelle's mother recoiled, wary. The man looked hurt, Jazelle noticed. She shot her mother a glare she did not see. "I……… I've lost my memory. Your daughter found me, I suppose."

"Mom," Jazelle prompted.

Her mother's eyes narrowed. -_Found? Like a dog?- _She looked the man up and down with a critical eye. He didn't –_look-_ threatening. If he wasn't, he could have just grabbed Jazelle & run off with her.

"Fine," the mother finally huffed. "You can stay for a while. I hope you're good at shop keeping."

----------

Ruwalk had managed to catch a fairly nasty cold after the storm. He insisted he'd be fine, but everyone else insisted he was not. It came near the point of having to tie him to his bed.

Alfeegi found him sitting up late at night when he went to check on him. "Ruwalk," he gasped. "Are you alright…….?"

The officer turned to give a half-hearted smile. "Sure," he said. His throat was raw from coughing so much. "What're you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep." Alfeegi went to sit on the bed, feeling his lover's forehead. "You feeling any better?"

"I feel fine," Ruwalk pouted, then promptly sneezed. Alfeegi raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure," he said. "Just don't start hacking up blood, m'kay? Because then I'd worry."

"I'll try to keep that in mind," Ruwalk sniffled. He did really feel like hell. But he couldn't show that, now could he? Shouldn't he be out helping Tetheus and the Fighters rebuild, not his delicate little Alfeegi who was always crying and needed somebody to lean on? Who would take care of him when he wasn't there?

Alfeegi stroked the two-toned hair and Ruwalk relaxed into his pillow sleepily. "You're exhausted," the White Officer pointed out; Ruwalk only shrugged. "Aren't you?"

"No," Alfeegi said, shaking his head, ponytail bouncing. "Just a bit achy, but I don't feel terrible."

Ruwalk nodded, then noted how Alfeegi held his left sleeve in a death grip. "Nya, Feegi," he said, clearing his throat of phlegm, "why're you holding your sleeve……?"

Even in the darkness, he could see the other blench. He frowned inwardly, realizing that apparently Alfeegi hadn't wanted him to pick up on this. "Oh," Alfeegi said, a wobbly undertone in his voice, "I just managed to get injured in the storm." He laughed, a shrill, unnatural laugh. "It doesn't hurt that much, really."

-_I doubt that,-_ Ruwalk thought, but kept it to himself. "Ok," he said, smiling smally.

"You look tired," Alfeegi commented, changing the subject. "Why on earth are you still up?"

"I was hoping for a visit," Ruwalk replied, grinning. Alfeegi blushed, opened his mouth to say something, but the other officer cut him off. "Looks like I got what I wanted." He leaned up, kissing Alfeegi's chin. "So you don't get sick," he said with a wink.

"Oh, to hell with getting sick," Alfeegi whispered, and kissed Ruwalk fully on the mouth.

-------------

Jazelle winced.

The guy that was staying with them had just dropped a customer's special order. He was apologizing profusely, but it wasn't helping much. The rich fat man's face was bright red as he yelled at the albino, telling him he was incompetent; where was the shopkeeper?

Sarai, Jazelle's mother, glided out of a side room.

"Yes, sir, what is it?" she asked politely. Upon seeing the crushed box on the floor, she raised an eyebrow at her new worker. The tall albino grimaced and backed off. Sarai turned back to her distraught customer.

"Sir, I apologise. This worker is new, and apparently he is…… out of shape, shall we say? I am sure it was an accident. We can order you another…… what was it?"

The fat man seemed to bloat up larger, his face breaking out in such an ugly deep red it almost turned him purple. His plump wife fretted behind him, trying to calm him. Her eyes darted around nervously at the other customers in the shop. "Our reputation, dear," she whispered, but her husband didn't seem to hear.

"I will NOT order yet another of these!" the man exploded. "It is your own fault for hiring incompetent workers, you cow!" He huffed. "I will go elsewhere for this!" He kicked the box, and a final shattering of glass bottles was heard from inside. He stomped out, nearly breaking the door by flinging it so hard. His wife hurried, bowing to all in the shop, then hurrying after her husband.

Sarai spat. "Jerk," she muttered. "No wonder he needed a damn arousal medicine." Jazelle beat her head against the wall as her mother yelled at the albino to "clean up this damned mess."

"Yes ma'am," he said, rushing forward, grabbing a broom. "I'll clean it up." The customers watched, embarrassed for him, as he cleared away the smashed box and broken glass. He read the label blushingly, a light pink that just barely stained his pale skin. "What kind of store is this?" he muttered to himself.

"A medicine shop, dummy," Jazelle sighed. "Look around you for once." The albino did so. "Oh," he blinked. Jazelle buried her face in her hands. The albino noticed. "Are you ok……?"

"You are so hopeless!" Jazelle said, exasperated. "I may as well name you Bob!"

"Bob?" The albino thought on that.

"See!" Jazelle hissed. "You're dwelling on the name 'Bob'! In the middle of work! There's people staring now!"

"You're the one spazzing."

Jazelle pouted. She hated it when other people were right. "Oh…… fine, whatever. Get to work, Bob."

Her head met the wall with a sharp crack when he replied, "Yes ma'am!"


	2. two

A/N: I decided to take an idea from yamatoforever's review & put it into the story.. rather obviously, though. –u u;; But still: here ist the 2nd chapter. Danke for R&Ring ch1. And aki… mebbe (bwahahahahaha!) He's at least gonna take one of your suggestions! grins

Oh, & just a warning: It's dark.

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"_You do WHAT?"_

_His eyes weren't sympathetic, or worrying. They had become unnaturally hard and cold. "That means you lied to me," he whispered, eyes narrowing._

"_I didn't mean to!" Alfeegi insisted, yanking back his arm that was dripping with blood. "I'm sorry, Ruwalk." He choked. "I just can't help it. I… I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never seen anyone about it; they would send me to a psychiatrist—"_

"_You _are_ sick," Ruwalk spat. "How anyone could do that, under any circumstances, is unknown to me." He turned to go, & Alfeegi cried out his name brokenly. Ruwalk turned slightly. _

"_And you always thought me the weak one," he hissed dangerously in a mean tone. He turned to go, motioning to several Dragon Fighters. "Take him away. He's…" --he smirked at Alfeegi, a cold smile that sent shivers of ice down his spine—"'sick.'"_

_Alfeegi yanked away from the suddenly thousands of hands that grabbed for him. "Ruwalk!" he screamed. But then he was gone, & there were only the millions of hands dragging him down into pitch darkness. _

"_Let go of me!" he yelled, attempting to hit one of them, anything. He could feel the hands, but they had blended into the black abyss that was swallowing him up._

_He swam to the surface to breathe, and nearly choked._

"_You little bastard!" came the familiar words, and Alfeegi felt a sharp sting on his back. He bit his lip not to cry out._

"_You little worthless bastard!" came the snarling, then a rough gripping of thin shoulders, nearly cracking from the pressure. _Don't cry, don't yell,_ but how long could he hold out for? Suddenly he was thrown against the wall. His mother looked up for a brief moment, then went back to nursing her baby daughter._

"_Don't cause such noise inside," she said. "You'll disturb the baby."_

Mother, Mother, don't you see? Don't you see what your husband is doing to me? _Whack. "Get up, you worthless ass! Get outside! We'll finish this!"_

"_Mama, mama, look at what I did today in school!"_

"_Oh, that's lovely, honey."_

Mother, Mother, why don't you care?

"_Now, you little bastard," he cackled. Took another swig of alcohol, cheap and strong. "I'll beat your ass so hard, you won't know what hit you." _

_Every pain cut into him, and he had to cause his own against himself to keep from crying. His grandmother's grave was in sight. Why did she have to die? At least she had cared. But no one else cared for a bastard Dragon boy._

_He was too tired. He lay down in bed and wished he were dead. He sobbed at the remembrance of little kids. He couldn't take the pain that others inflicted upon him, so he took a knife and hurt himself. He could control that. At least then he could realize that all the pain he got was because he deserved it. He deserved all of it._

_He wrapped his arms around himself, and they were pinned behind his back. The room was blindingly white, and he was screaming._

"_WHY? WHY DID YOU PUT ME IN HERE!"_

_Lykouleon shook his head. "Alfeegi, Alfeegi," he sighed. "You're just no good. I wonder…" He thought a moment. "Why were you even born?"_

Why was I born, Mother? Why?

"_No one cares for a bastard boy," Ruwalk smirked. "Not even me."_

"_You said you loved me," Alfeegi said, trying to steady his voice._

"_Oh, I did?" Ruwalk looked surprised, then smirked. "I guess I'm pretty damn good at lying, hm?" He pushed Alfeegi back into the clawing darkness in a straightjacket. "You're sick, Alfeegi," he called down at him. "Sick, sick, sick. And I don't care for sick bastards who think they're worth anything." He turned away._

_Alfeegi's wrists poured blood, and he began to drown._

He woke with a jolting start, his gasp nearly a small scream. He saw his bedroom, saw the light of the setting moon slanting across his walls, could hear nothing but the noise of night creatures.

He lay there in the darkness, covered his face with his hands, rolled over. And despite everything, no matter how much he hated it, hated himself for doing it, he began to sob and claw at himself. It had all seemed so real, so true. Ruwalk could never care about him if he told him about his childhood, how he once got caught cutting and was sent to the nurse's & they thought he was manic-depressive and they all saw the scars and blood and asked all the questions and then they thought "he's crazy"…

He descended deeper and deeper into that melancholy darkness, sobs lessening with exhaustion. He saw only broken skin where he had dug his nails into himself. He gave a shuddering sigh, and closed his eyes once more, wearily.

----------------------------------------------

Ruwalk lay awake, staring up at his ceiling, trying to make sense of what had occurred earlier. Originally, he had bought what Alfeegi said about being hurt in the storm. But now that he had had time to replay the incident, he wasn't too sure.

When he'd pointed out the unnatural death grip the Officer had on his arm, Alfeegi had given the sense that he didn't want Ruwalk to notice. That & his voice had been a little shaky… Ruwalk had thought it may have been because of the past occurrences, but now he was unsure. The White Officer very rarely let such things get to him; his insane sense of duty usually prevented that from happening.

Surely a _storm_ wouldn't have…

Then again, Ruwalk had once again gone out & done stupid things. He didn't want to seem self-centered, but maybe Alfeegi had worried over him…? He didn't want hid boyfriend to worry, but it seemed that almost everything Ruwalk did caused him to do so.

And now that Kaistern was gone…

Ruwalk squeezed his eyes shut. He should've known that the house was on unstable ground. And yet he still thought it would be fine if Kaistern went in there.

And what had it all been for? One baby, that was all.

_All?_ Ruwalk mentally berated himself for the thought. How could he even think that? Well, why hadn't the mother tried to save her child? Why did Kaistern go & risk his own life for people he didn't know, & now would never know—

The answer came clear, like a swift slap to the face. Because Kaistern was Kaistern. He, out of all of them, would know what it would be like to be living on a meager income, to be wandering around, hoping for a job at the next town he popped into. That house, in that area, was one of the now few places in Draqueen where such poverty still reigned.

No wonder the damned thing had collapsed.

Ruwalk moaned to himself, burying his head under his pillow. _Dammit, I can't sleep, _was the prominent thought in his mind; his brain wouldn't shut up and let him rest. Everything was driving him crazy.

_I desperately need a drink._

Barely registering the decision as even remotely self-destructive, Ruwalk moved his achy body out of bed and over to the cabinet in one corner of his room. He flipped open a door, contemplating his choices. He didn't have much, since he barely had any time to drink anymore. This was partially due to his boyfriend. After the Incident which had eventually resulted in their "hooking up," Alfeegi had become an increasing alchohol-phobe. This cabinet was his emergency stash, but it hadn't been replenished for a while.

"Eh, what the hell," Ruwalk muttered to himself, drawing out a bottle of whiskey. He took a swig straight from the bottle. He shook his head to clear it. He wanted to stop thinking like this. He _had_ to. It wasn't like him. People would start to constantly ask, "what's wrong?" That was always annoying as hell.

He hated dwelling on such thoughts. It wasn't what people thought of when they thought of Ruwalk. Not even Lykouleon, his best friend. Not even Alfeegi, who may be his lover, but they hadn't exactly confessed deep, dark secrets yet……

On the other hand, maybe they ought to.

Ruwalk stared down at the bottle. He'd never been one for deep talks. It had always kind of angered Lykouleon. There would be times when Lykouleon would be going through hard stuff in his own life, but Ruwalk tried to distract his friend's attention, rather than talking about it. It was just so awkward, and Ruwalk had never liked admitting he had a problem. He never liked laying bare his mind, his heart. It made him feel vulnerable. He'd already tried it a few times, and look what had happened.

The officer capped up the whisky. It wasn't helping. He felt a bit drowsy, but that was about it. "Damnit," he swore to himself.

Maybe he and Alfeegi should talk.


End file.
